Okay, so there’s this website called Gofobo. You can get free passes to see movies, they tell me. Fine. I register, and in a few days I get a free printable pass to see Tammy (2014). I get to the theater a half hour early, and there is a huge line. But after waiting forty five minutes or so, I get to see a craptastic movie for free. Great. A few weeks later, I get another printable pass to see Hercules (2014) with Dwayne Johnson. I get to the theater a half hour early, and there is a crazy huge line. I wait forever, and they run out of tickets right before they get to me. Lesson learned – show up earlier.
So when I print out my pass for The Giver, I notice this time there is a warning – Special Event! Do not wear jeans or sandals! This is a Special Event! I look things up, and it turns out to the Special Event is actually the WORLD PREMIERE! Wow, someone made a mistake and invited us cheapskates to a WORLD PREMIERE with Meryl Streep, Katie Holmes, THE DUDE, and a bunch of teenybopper actors. Red carpets and everything.
So this time I show up at 6:00 for a 7:30 event, all dressed up. I walk up 53rd Street, so I can see the front of the Ziegfeld Theater and the red carpet and all the folderol. Unfortunately, the Gofobo line is on 54th Street, so I find the line, and take my place behind the 200 or so people who showed up earlier than me. And then I wait. And wait. Around 7pm I can hear Beatlemania-type screaming coming from 53rd Street – it must be for Taylor Swift. Or Katie Holmes? Kids these days. And then I wait some more. Around 7:45 some dude walks up to people on line and says “Thanks for coming to our event, unfortunately there are no tickets left.” So I waited an hour forty five for nothing. And I missed the big red carpet thing. Thanks Gofobo!
Now here’s my review: This movie sucked. Don’t go see it.